Everywhere I go online I am asked to leave a comment, click on a like button, fill out a survey, or write a review. I get e-mails after a purchase to please ‘Review and give us five stars’. I do give reviews under the best of circumstances but if there are any obstacles, I don’t.
On Etsy, whenever I liked a product, I would fill in five stars and say something like ‘quick delivery’ or ‘love it!’. Then one day the site demanded I use at least five words. ‘Love it!’ is no longer acceptable. Well, F them. I left no review. That was all it took to dissuade me.
Maybe I’m being arrogant but I think I am doing a favor by reviewing. The constant begging everyone does for a review has convinced me of that. Netflix, Amazon, Audible, any place I shop wants a review or a survey filled out or at least a ‘like’ and they ask for five stars which I think is assuming a lot. Whenever I listen to a podcast they ask for reviews. We want reviews too. We want likes and comments and good feedback too but we rarely get it.
We have posted all of the Quirni books on Fiction Press. For all the thousands of views, one of the books has no reviews. One of my Fiction Press readers stated;
I was actually crying as I read this chapter. And the last one. It took me twice as long to get through them both due to tears. I love the whole lot of them. Thanks.
Wow. That made us feel wonderful to see that. It couldn’t have taken long to write but it means a lot. I know that but still I’m not likely to leave a review.
Why is it so damn hard to get reviews or leave reviews? Why does adding three more words make me say ‘F it’ and move on?
I know one reason is some places ask for reviews before I’ve sampled their product. Pop-up surveys come up before I’ve had a chance to read one line. How annoying. I won’t take my time to answer when I haven’t been given a chance to even look at the page! I have just gotten to the site and they want me to tell them how much I like it? No.
Sometimes I don’t like a product and don’t want to be mean. It wasn’t right for me or it had some niggling fault that keeps me from giving five stars. They want five stars. I can’t, in good conscience, give five stars so I give none. If I hate a product, that’s another story.
Actually, that’s a longer story. If I hate a product, I’ll leave a review that tells exactly what went wrong. I want the next person considering their purchase to know the pitfalls. I will usually write the review soon after my disappointment with the product too. It will not be a review anyone wants but I feel it is appropriate. Bad reviews have saved me from wasting money and I return the favor.
I have written long reviews if I adore a product too, especially books. Except on Audible. I tried to put in a review there and it was a hassle. Review+obstacle = no review.
I love to read reviews. I use them all the time. I want reviews. Doesn’t that add up to I should write more of them?
If I were witty, I would write more reviews. I love to read the funny ones. There are some people who are so funny I laugh about their reviews for days. A review about the Yodeling Pickle is like that.
The yodelling pickle in my house appears to be possessed. Whenever I put it away in the kitchen cupboard it mysteriously appears in the top drawer of my wife’s bedside table.
There are a lot of reviews about the diet Haribo gummy bears that should get a laugh out of anyone who hasn’t been afflicted with their side effects.
Click Here if you want to see them. The reviews give fair warning in case you decide to buy the product. The Wolf Moon T-shirts have some hilarious stuff too. I haven’t added the link. It’s more fun to find them than be sent to them.
Maybe you can think of something witty to write and add a review of your own. While you’re there, can you visit ‘Quirni’ and give our books a good review? A simple five stars and ‘Love It!’ would do.